Blue Friday

I have blogged about a never-ending cycle of never achievable weight loss goals. I mean the most weight I lost was thirty pounds in a month (which is unrealistically high) after being in lockdown and being sick from Covid for about two weeks. It was great to finally be under 300 pounds, but it didn’t last. My anxiety and depression came at full force and very poor eating habits resurfaced and I had an imminent gain and then some. But this post isn’t just about the usual weight loss journey, it’s something deeper. When I was 18 I had a family doctor tell me I had a low sperm count and I would most likely never be able to have kids (the thing is I don’t remember ever giving a sample of my semen to analyze, so perhaps I only remember half of what was said to me) not that I ever wanted a family to begin with.

Turns out what I actually have is dangerously low testosterone. A man my age & weight should have a level of about 100 (Normal for a physically fit man is over 300) because as you age it lowers and even further if you are obese. Mine is 25. I never thought to consider checking my testosterone till my father-in-law mentioned it could possibly be a contributing factor to my weight.

I recently saw an endocrinologist, to get to the bottom of why my testosterone is so low. But let’s backtrack slightly, I initially got tested in 2018 by a family doctor I hated who never did any kind of a follow-up. I retested this year with a new doctor who was dedicated to finding the cause but felt that a referral to endocrinology would speed things along. So two days before Thanksgiving I had that visit. After a thorough examination, the doctor suspects I may be suffering from a rare form of Klinefelter Syndrome. Rare because I am short as opposed to tall. Also, it appears I only have 1 testicle which produces semen but absolutely no sperm.

With both my parents deceased, I have no way of knowing if they were aware of any of this. Klinefelter affects mood, converts muscles into fat, and could lead to brittle bones if left untreated. It would definitely explain the last 33 years of my life. Obesity does not run in my family, I lack hair on my face, under my arms, and in my pubic region. It could very well also explain why some people confuse my sex. Speaking of which, I brought that up as my reason for checking my testosterone levels and the doctor then asked me how I identify. I won’t lie, that angered me. I told him, I’m not the one confused. I am a man, I believe I am a man and have never questioned my beliefs.

So I have been exercising and doing weight lifting at the gym, and at home since I was 25. I have absolutely zero muscle to support that. You know how distressing it is to want to bulk up and have nothing to show for it. I also only take one med for my mood and nothing for my weight, you’d think after all these years, a doctor would question that?

So, I have blood work set for tomorrow morning to verify if I actually have Klinefelter Syndrome, either way, I want to start testosterone replacement therapy so I could be a bit more of a man than I am. Mainly, I want those muscles I’ve worked so hard to achieve and I definitely don’t want to develop osteoporosis. The facial hair would be nice as well.

Here is to better days.