Word Wednesday: Too many unanswered questions…

© 2023 Matt “M” Snyder, The Art of M & AProlificPotpourri.Art All Words & Images contained herein cannot be shared or used in any way possible without written consent & notification of the author of this blog

When Mom found out she had Cancer, she wailed "Why me ?"
You had no answers to give, although you lessened her pain
by subduing her brain yet she suffered for a bit
When Dad couldn't fight off infection
He gave up
You took him quicker than Mom

Why didn't Mike or Kyle or Joy live to see 21
Why didn't Glenn or Todd or Jose or Kelly live to see 40

Why are some people mauled or shot or burned or chopped ?
Victims of...
Serial Killers
Gangs
Mass shootings/bombings
hate crime
torture
Planes/Trains/Automobile/Boat accidents
drowning
animal attacks
amusement/water park rides
disease
suicide
Why can't we all just die peacefully ?

Or

Why can't we all be survivors ?

I fear the unknown
I fear no longer existing
As a human being
you use emotions
and tastes
and smells
and feelings
you figure things out
as
a spirit
you stay behind and haunt ?
Or become someone's guardian angel ?
I believe in God and an afterlife
but isn't both heaven & hell a bit overcrowded ?
Or because there is no vessel for the spirit
the energy just exists
or does it ?

I have pondered both death and the thought of no longer existing
for decades. 
Will I be reunited with family in the afterlife
or stay with my wife
just writing these words
brings about a terrifying feeling
of 
unanswered questions
questions my therapist suggests should remain as such
I shouldn't dwell on the past 
nor should I fear the future
I should live, in the here and now
if I ever had a life goal
it is that
and to
be grateful
for the life I continue to grow in
and find my purpose

10 thoughts on “Word Wednesday: Too many unanswered questions…

  1. Looking at life and death is such an individual process Matt, and there are so many why’s that I believe will never be answered. I tend to agree with the premise of just living the life we encounter every day to the fullest but I think you are not alone in the fear of what lies down the road. My views are different but I do think we are shaped dramatically but what we see, hear, do and are taught. It is then up to the individual to decide what to do with all of that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m more bothered by the Why’s than truly afraid of the whats. Honestly these days I am more plagued by the thought of my wife succumbing to suicide or just trying to navigate life without help from me. It bums me out being 12 yrs older. I realize age is irrelevant and your time us any time…ahh ya know anxiety is a major bitch. I often wish i could just let life be.

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    1. All good Michele, Mom has been gone 21 years, Dad going on 5. It took a real long time for me to get over my Mom’s. My Dad aside from the 6 months before he got sick, was a burden lifted (decades of emotional abuse).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I lost my dad on Valentine’s day, 2019. His death (Cancer and COPD) motivated many changes in my life, including the writing journey I’ve been on since later that year. ✍🏻So sorry (emotional abuse) 💔 I believe writing and creating art offer a strong form of healing.

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      2. Excellent! I poured my creativity into lesson planning, but that had its limitations, given the nature of public education. I am blessed to be walking a more creative path now.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you. 🤗Heartbreaking and I miss my dad very much, but the last year of his life brought such great suffering – the end of that brought relief. A terrible way to live. 😢

        Like

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