Garbage Disposal…

In May of 2020 after a month of lockdown

And being sick with Covid

I managed to achieve a proud milestone on 298 pounds

In the present that’s another story entirely

The punching bag has become a giant cat toy

The gym is always, “I’ll go tomorrow”

And I’ve taken this second job as human garbage disposal.

My head med helps, but garbage food continues to entice and win me over.

The meals I make tend to be healthy, it’s free crap at work and junk food snarls whenever I make additional market trips.

I mean, perhaps if I add testosterone to my ridiculously low levels, I may in fact turn this weight around for good.

This battle bums me.

I hate being fat and yet I don’t seem to hate it enough to become fit without the aid of illness.


20 thoughts on “Garbage Disposal…

      1. I don’t think I look ugly Willow, but being heavy for decades has taken a toll on my joints, my sex life, my ability to be active for my nephew has he grew older, plus fitting comfortably in chairs . I went thru a period of being prediabetic (my dad ended up becoming diabetic) and was on meds but started to eat healthy enough to get off the meds. I thank God everyday that I am relatively healthy and don’t take any meds for weight related issues, but I essentially just got the Covid booster because I am a large person. It’s not a vanity issue… it’s I’m tired of being a defeatist. Trust me, my wife married me for the whole package, she loves me for what’s in and out. I was heavy and she was quite thin when we wed.


      2. Again I have not explained myself very well. I certainly did not wish to illude to how you look or how you feel about that. The health issues are as you say hard to handle. All I mean is you are aware of the toll and you are trying. You are blessed.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Matt, you are a beautiful and creative person and a delight to follow. I wish I had a solution that would work for you. When I was in my late 20’s, I was only 35 pounds overweight (I thought it was more like 20 until I changed my lifestyle and found out). But I had the good fortune to develop such strong stomach pains that I was in and out of the emergency room. The medical community was not helpful (maybe the beginning of a peptic ulcer, blah, blah, blah). The stomach pain was greater than the pain of changing my diet and exercise and on my own initiative three months later, I had developed new lifetime habits and the stomach issue went away forever. My crisis came early enough. Your stronger constitution and relative health works against you in terms of motivation. This was one time my vanity (along with a newborn baby) actually helped me. My youngest son (also named Matt) struggles with the same issue as you and I agonize over not being much help to him. I do know you have great strength, a solid work ethic, and the power to take steps to make changes. You have no idea how much I am rooting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Do you get satiety from food? I don’t. The only time I did was when pondimin was legal. It replaced whatever hormone I’m missing.

    I always here “it takes 20min to feel full” but on me it’s 1.5hrs before I feel full from eating. By that time I’ve usually eaten enough to feel like I’ll vomit. But I still don’t feel “satisfied”… my tastebuds want more.

    I’ve recently discovered mouthfeel is also involved. My braces make everything feel disgusting and I suddenly don’t want to eat. Instead of scarfing a bag of cheetos, Ihad a couple then the bag sat around for 2 weeks. That’s literally NEVER happened before!!

    It sooo much more complicated than just “eat healthy and exercise”!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Truly, I also have extremely low testosterone.. therapy from that may boost my metabolism, but I won’t know till my appointment next month. I don’t eat and eat and eat…I just tend to sometimes get hard cravings for both the salty and sweet snacks..,when I don’t pollute my body with that garbage I tend to lose weight. Its never a hopeless situation, I just can’t seem to curb the cravings.


      1. I understand. I once had limited success with going directly to those cravings… licking a small amount of salt or sugar.

        I can’t believe how helpful these stupid braces have been!! I successfully crash/starvation dieted when I was hoping to have knee replacements before quitting my job. That didn’t happen but I also didn’t regain. And I just started losing again, this week.

        I’m considering using a healthy meal service or something. Left to my own devices, I’ll eat junk rather than prep/cook/wash.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. See, at home not a problem. I never buy any kind of junk to nosh on, it’s those other times at work, with friends, or being tempted when I need to pick up a grocery I couldn’t get delivered.


  3. Oof, that last line. I know that feeling all too well.

    The most success I’ve had is with intermittent fasting but it’s not ideal for everyone. It’s not ideal for me either when I adopt that “start again tomorrow” mentality. And I’m always too embarrassed to ask someone to help keep me accountable.

    Keep fighting the good fight. It’s not a one-and-done struggle but a lifelong one. Got to take these bad days with the good ones. Here’s to your health and fitness.

    Liked by 1 person

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