Things overheard on the job (taken out of context)…

My friend Liz who decided to take an early retirement, kept a notebook of odd and funny things heard on the job. I’d like to honor Liz’s list here on WordPress with a few anecdotes in ( ) as to their significance. Enjoy your retirement buddy 😁

I have peed all day, it’s time I think – terry

I don’t care for penis art – tom

My rod is too tight. And not only is it a rod, it’s a rod with a ball on the end – terry

I don’t get excited over 4 inches – val (thickness of books to film)

I’ve got special problems here – terry

Sometimes you have to push in to pull out – bill

It takes a lot to disturb me – matt (most likely in regards to the penis art)

And it’s not a stripper. Oh, you’d smell that! It smells like stripper in here (paint stripper)
Paul (while standing in the doorway of the ladies room)

It’s not how old you look, it’s how long you can hold your bowels in – tom

It’s big, it’s thick, and it bends when you put it in

I need three, two is not enough today – terry

He’s in love with Brian – Connie

Remember when you used to go to bars to meet people – Laurie
Or rest stops – liz

They still bang two rocks together to turn the lights on – Paul

It’s hard to close your mouth around that wad – terry (of bubble gum)

Then I’d be sniffing my wrist all day – matt (I do like to do this, my wrists sweats under a watch band)

Sometimes it takes a while for it to mount – Paul (software booting)

And I touched it and it came off in my hand – liz

I’ll get her warmed up for you – Paul

We forgot to give Bernie the clap – terry (getting the entire Dept to applaud your entrance)

I only shared my shreddy balls with the ladies – matt (coconut cookies I brought in)

He prefers outdoor plumbing, as it were- terry

Thanks for bringing me back to reality- Joe

I don’t use anything that gets hard – terry

My g string is buzzing like crazy – terry, when she brought her guitar in

Andreas has 27 inches in the back – bill

I get them too – Eric, in regards to yeast infections

I oiled the stool – bill

Ben, would i be able to do one of these machines now- Paul (fix)

For my 40th birthday I rubbed chocolate on my ribs – Matt (BBQ)

Published by mattsnyder1970

Matt Snyder has been making a dent in the creative community in North-Eastern Pennsylvania since 1988. He’s been involved in showcasing his art in Exhibits in area Galleries & Spaces as well as online. Currently, he is also producing a weekly podcast for Anchor. Fm called Short Story Saturday. © Matt Snyder and 2019-2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Absolutely No Excerpts and links may be used without explicit consent from Matt Snyder.

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