identity-soul-freak(**warning this post hits the TMI Zone**)…

When I was wee lad my Dad called me little Shirl because I was so much like my Mom

When I had my first job , I wore my hair long I was mistaken for a girl

Who knew 34 years later that shit would continue (One of the worst experiences was at a Pride Fest, and someone approached my friend and I to take a survey for Lesbians. She was straight and I was bisexual man) the worst being no matter how I looked, fat or thin, long, short or no hair.

When I was 18 my family doctor said I had a low sperm count, could never have kids unless I adopted. That was far from devastating, I never wanted to be a Father and married a woman that didn’t want to be a Mother.

I can’t grow a damn beard to save my life, my eye lashes are long, I don’t have a visible Adams apple, my hands and feet are small (my wife and I wear the same size sneaker), I have fat guy moobs and I haven’t stood to pee in decades unless I have no other choice and I really have to piss because I am ridiculously small, but I think shrinkage happens when you get real fat, because I recall being able to piss standing up till about age 27 probably the last time I was under 300 plus pounds.

My father-in-law suggested I get my testosterone checked and wouldn’t ya know it after two damn tests my testosterone is abnormally low for a guy. Makes me feel like a freak of nature. Despite my hurdles, I don’t believe I am anything other than a guy with issues.

31 thoughts on “identity-soul-freak(**warning this post hits the TMI Zone**)…

  1. I understand men better than women. I excel in many male-dominated tests. I prefer (and look better in) outfits styled like men’s (wingtips, slacks, suspenders. My boob are deflated and have never been the slightest bit errogenous. I am only attracted to men’s bodies but their rejection of me caused me to go celibate years ago. I have intense penis envy. I feel equally male and female. I have no pronoun preference. I identify as female because there was no other logical option growing up. If I was hitting puberty now, I’d either be “non binary” or would transition to male.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t think you’re a freak of nature…lots of men have low testosterone, just like many women have low estrogen. And it can cause problems for both. Hell, I have a low-functioning thyroid, so I take medication to boost it up, and I gotta say, it helps me both physically and mentally. No telling how many years I had it before it was discovered. Sometimes, our bodies need a little (legal) chemical help.

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  3. I honestly think nature is having a laugh at a lot of us. You are what you are, you know what you are. You are very talented, you are you. Be happy life is too short for too much angst . Yes lots of guys have low testosterone, my nephew has injections once a month.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I am not an expert. But I have heard about a few things which could explain and some just don’t.

        1) From birth – Baby exposed to stuffs in fetus and etc. Especially if twins or #tuplets involved.

        2) Foods you eat

        3) Chemicals you are exposed to, due to work or etc.

        4) Age.

        5) Ignore this Random thought: You might be ….. changing like a clownfish.


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