The Doctor is Out…

Authors Notes: Lyrics from Wrapped around my finger credited to Sting Copyright 1983, Pussyole (Old Skool) to D. Mills Copyright 2007 & Liar to Henry Rollins, Sim Cain, Chris Haskett & Melvin Gibbs Copyright 1994. I’ve had my share of bullying growing up in the 70’s & 80’s from peers and family members, you could say writing this story was quite therapeutic. This a hard edged story with racist slang, drugs and violence.

Year: 2007

Place: (Twickenham)

Date: Sept 1st

Nick’s Place.

My name is Nick, Nicholas Evans. From ever since I could remember I have been fascinated with numbers. As a kid I kept a notebook of every type of flower in the London Gardens and how many grew each year. Most kids thought I was pretty strange and I got bullied a lot, sadly I still do. Now I just keep to myself. With this exception of me mate Liza-Beth. She might be sweet on me, she is the only one I know that calls me Nicky. I just consider her me mate.

Me Auntie & Uncle are almost never home. Uncle has a smoker in the back and runs a BBQ Joint called Evans Heavens Jerk. Auntie helped me plant a garden in the front with a Cherry Blossom Tree. I have always liked this type of tree. I have been with me Auntie & Uncle since I was 8 when me Mum & Dad suddenly disappeared, leaving me locked in the front room of our home after I was throwing a tantrum or something..

I know prior to that I had a Nanny but she had an accident when I was 5 and died. I often think of her. I miss her. Liza-Beth says the 1980’s band the Police have reunited and are playing the stadium on September 8th. She wants me to take her. They’re okay I guess. I prefer listening to me Uncles old ska records and me collection of Dizzee Rascal records. Honestly Rap & Punk are more my thing than the ska and 80’s pop rock..eh. I think the Police do reggae too, but again really not my cup of tea but Liza really wants us to go, so I will go.

It’s weird that I miss me nanny more than me mum & dad but they just up & left me one day, alone. I hate them more than anything. It’s also hard to completely relate to me Uncle & Auntie because I am lighter than them. Dad was Uncle Alvin’s older brother and they were born in Jamaica, just like me Auntie but Mum was white and from Twickenham. So I get bullied by the blacks for not being being black enough I guess and by everyone else because I am so smart.

There are three tosser’s in particular that never let up. Clive the leader loves to call me “Airy-Fairy” every chance he gets and his scally wags James & Martin chime in with “Billy No Mates”. That shite has been going on for the last 7 years. I usually just ignore them. I guess I’ve been lucky in that they verbally more than physically abuse me.

But why should I think about them on the weekend. They don’t venture to my home, school is their territory.


Date: Sept. 3rd

Gym Class

Bah. Sports. I’d be better off with Olympics for the brain. The gym teacher is a sadist. He thinks it would be a right laugh to put the brains against the brawn in a “friendly” game of rugby. Rugby isn’t for the faint of heart to begin with. “Hey Airy Fairy Ready for an ass whippin’ ?” And so it begins. Forty five minutes of unnecessary roughness. Although something inside feels different, like I see myself playing the game but I’m not there, it’s like I am on autopilot. For the first time in 7 years Clive, James and Martin took it to the next level. Although, hit after hit, I’m numb to it.

And then darkness.

Did I pass out ?

All I know is 45 minutes later, my gym teacher is in shock and my teammates are calling me VIP. Somehow, we won the match and I was the star player. As I am changing, I hear them.The Hell Airy Fairy, you sprout some wings ? You hear me, you bloody tosser ? ” “You might have your mates to back you here but not everywhere.

Clive Edmonson & his goons best left ignored. Weirdly they are speaking from a distance, normally they are in my face. I guess my confidence finally came through, “I” just wasn’t there, to enjoy it.


Date: Sept 7th

Evans Heavens Jerk Joint

Dinner Time.

<Nick is Chowing down on some Jerk Chicken with his Auntie Rose, discussing his date with Liza-Beth.>

Auntie Rose I’m not quite sure what to do about tomorrow night ?

Whatchu mean, boy ?

The Concert, sigh. It’s really not my thing. But Liza-Beth really wants to go.

Ah, she’s got eyes on you. Best to make a woman happy, a woman scorned is never a good ting, ain’t that right Uncle ?

Whatchu telling the boy, woman (laughs) ?

But, I don’t care for the music. I don’t really even like Liza-Beth like you think I might.

She’s your mate Nick my Boy, like a best Mate. Nothing wrong with supporting a best Mate on what they really want to do. Do this one thing for her, if she really wants to go and she really wants to go with you then it must mean a lot to her.

<Some boys from school walk in and see Nick and start shouting “V.I.P., V.I.P. !”>

They still on about that, eh Boy ?

Yes, Uncle. Seems there is another side of me I wasn’t aware of.


Date: Sept. 8th

Twickenham Stadium, The Police Reunion Tour.

Liza-Beth, did you know there are 104, 117 people at the show tonight ?

Why does that not surprise me, that you know that. Do you ever stop counting, Nicky? Liza-Beth says with a laugh. My Mum has all of their records and Sting is so dreamy even today. This is going to be so cool, I’m so glad you decided to bring me here tonight.

Well, that’s what Mates do Liza-Beth.

Liza-Beth hugs Nick.

As opening Band Maximo Park starts playing, Liza-Beth tells Nick she wants to check out the merch tent to beat the crowds. Sadly for her, everyone else had the same idea. As Liza-Beth started heading back to her seat she heard someone calling her name.

Liza-Beth Macmillan ! Ya Slag ! What makes you feel the need to go around being a Mudshark to Billy No-Mates ?

Bog Off Clive. Why do you have to be such a Tosser ?

At that point Liza-Beth finds herself surrounded by Clive, James & Martin. Each grabbing their nuts and fronting in her face till they are spotted by security.

Eh ! Leave the lady be ya scally wags before I toss the lot of ya out of here.

Clive winks at Security and says, “Ah we were just playing, come on fellas let’s take a walk.” Looking back to Liza-Beth “See ya later Slag.”

Liza-Beth is escorted back to her seat by Security. Nick looks at Liza-Beth and asks what happened ? She tells him of her encounter with Clive and a rage begins to build in Nick and he thinks to himself , It’s one thing to be bullied yourself but to then feel you are the reason, your mate is being bullied as well.

“You Ok ?” Nick asks.

“I’m fine, I just hate those guys. I hate how they treat you and really wish they just…eh doesn’t matter, I just want to enjoy the show.” No luck with getting any merchandise ? “, Nick Says. I could go get something for ya when The Police start playing, I’m pretty sure the lines won’t be long then.

“You’re a doll Nicky.” Liza-Beth Kisses Nick on the cheek.

Nick steps out during the opening chords of Wrapped around your finger & stands in a Queue to fetch the coolest shirt he can get for Liza-Beth. Nick starts to rethink how he feels for Liza-Beth and relishes the advice of his Auntie. Liza-Beth did kiss him after-all, that is something he thought would never happen. Before heading back to his seat, he takes a much needed diversion to the loo.

You consider me the young apprentice
Caught between the Scylla and Charybdis
Hypnotized by you if I should linger
Staring at the ring around your finger
I have only come here seeking knowledge
Things they would not teach me of in college
I can see the destiny you sold
Turned into a shining band of gold

Relieving himself at the Urinal, Nick is taken by surprise by a very familiar voice. “Aww if it ain’t Billy no-mates himself, that slag you’re with, She’s top dollar Mate.” It’s James. Alone it seems. “Bog off, James”, says Nick. James walks up to Nick and says right into his ear ” Make me Nigger.” That rage that Nick felt earlier, it’s in the pit of his stomach, he feels it surging thru his entire body.

And then there is darkness again. Long dormant after 10 years, the rage has a name and it’s known as The Doctor. Without a word, The Doctor zips up his pants turns around, looks James in the face and smiles. Puzzled, James asks again at a slower pace “Make…..me……Nig..” But before he could finish, The Doctor grabs James by the head and with full force bites into James lower lip. With a taste of James’ blood in his mouth he says, “Gladly”.

…Mephistopheles is not your name
But I know what you’re up to just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
And you will see it come to it’s fruition…

The Doctor Drags James by the hair into the first stall. “The Fuck Evans…” Again before James can finish his thought, the Doctor shoves his head into the toilet and holds him down repeatedly flushing.

…Devil and the deep blue sea behind me
Vanish in the air, you’ll never find me
I will turn your face to alabaster
Then you’ll find your servant is your master…

James body goes limp and The Doctor goes over to the sink and washes his hands and heads back to his seat.

…You’ll be wrapped around my finger you bloody fucking bastards…

The Doctor hands Liza-Beth the shirt and says. Sorry it was quite a line, after all. She just smiles and hugs and kisses Nick again on the cheek. The Doctor looks at Liza-Beth and says, “Let’s make this proper” and plants a passionate kiss on her lips.


Date: Sept 12th

Time: Noon

The Cafeteria at Twickenham School

<Liza-Beth & Nick are now an item and are having lunch together>

It’s still hard to believe that they found James accidentally drowned in the toilets at the concert last weekend, says Liza-Beth.

“Yeah, I agree. That’s one less prick I have to worry about.”

<Liza-Beth heads out>

“See you later Nicky, love you.”

“Love you too.”

I have to wonder how I got here, in this relationship with Liza-Beth. I barely remember the concert from last week, I honestly think I slept through most of it. Yet, here we are. I guess me Auntie was right about Liza-Beth. Who knew buying a tee shirt or taking someone to a show would mean that much. But, I guess I am cool with it. I never thought I was boyfriend material and Liza-Beth is quite pretty.

Time: 3:30 pm <Nick is walking Liza-Beth Home, they cut through the cemetery and find both Martin & Clive smoking some Paki Black behind the Mausoleum.>

“Oi, look who it is.. The Airy Fairy and his Slag bitch”, says Clive.

<Both take heavy tokes from the Paki Black, Clive walks towards Liza-Beth and grabs her by the arm>

Slag, let’s you and I take a sight seeing tour inside me family crypt.

“Just leave us be !” screams Liza-Beth

<Martin Sucker Punches Nick, who passes out>

“Oi, that was fucking easy.” says, Clive.

<Liza-Beth isn’t having it and gives Clive a swift kick to the balls and runs away, Martin stands laughing at his friend doubling over in pain. Clive regains his composure and screams “We’re not through Bitch!, They both turn around and don’t see Nick anywhere. “Probably hiding in the crypt.” says Clive, wincing in pain. I can’t be bothered with him right now. Damn Bitch. I’ll see you tomorrow. Clive buggers off.>

<Martin enters the crypt.>

“No hard feelings Billy No-Mates. Clive is gone, just me and you.”

The Doctor has re-emerged and in a menacing whisper starts rapping Pussyole by Dizzee Rascal.

Rudeboy, don’t watch that
‘Cause if it’s arms house, I’ll rock that
And if it’s on top, you know I got that
Come through with a big baseball bat

Out from the shadows behind Martin is The Doctor with a shovel in hand and wacks Martin in the head.

…Like blood, don’t make me get old skool
Blood, don’t make me get old skool

<Another Wack to the head>

Blood, don’t make me get old skool
Blood, don’t make me get old skool

<Final Death Blow>

Stop rollin’ with that bredder, you don’t need him
He’s a pussy’ole, he’s a chief, leave him
Stop rollin’ with that bredder, you don’t need him
He ain’t got your back…

The Doctor Pry’s open one of the stone casket’s with the shovel and Dumps the lifeless body of Martin inside wrapping the corpses’ hands around the shovel. Pushes the stone slab back into place. And heads home.


Date: Sept 15th

Time: 9 pm

Place: The Cemetery

<Clive is alone in the crypt, drinking from a Bottle of Bells Scotch Whiskey>

Bloody hell. Fucking friends. The fuck you go Martin ? Why you leave me ? Fucking hell.

<There are foot steps heard outside the crypt, Clive hides under one of the caskets thinking it might be the night watchman. Clive takes another swig from the bottle and hears someone talking.>

…I’ll hide behind a smile
and understanding eyes
and I’ll tell you things that you already know
so you can say
I really identify with you, so much
and all the time that you’re needing me
is just the time that I’m bleeding you
don’t you get it yet?…

“Who’s there ?”, says Clive.

< Clive Get’s out from under the casket as The Voice Grows Louder>

…I’ll come to you like an affliction
and I’ll leave you like an addiction
you’ll never forget me
you want to know why?
cause I’m a liar…

“That you Airy- Fairy ? I ain’t afraid of you ! Show yourself !”

The Doctor remains in the shadows. In his hand is an ornate scimitar. Clive get’s out his lighter and starts smoking the remains of his Paki Black. The Doctor walks behind Clive and thrusts the blade into his back while saying:

…I’ll rip your mind out
I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me…

Clive tries to fight back, but The Doctor just continues thrust after thrust after thrust. And Clive falls to the ground. The Doctor turns him over, reaches down into the pool of blood pouring out of Clive’s back and licks his fingers and laughs then kneels down and looks into Clive’s eyes and says:

…I don’t know why I feel the need to lie
and cause you so much pain
maybe it’s something inside
maybe it’s something I can’t explain
cause all I do
is mess you up and lie to you…

The Doctor pulls down Clive’s pants, grabs a hold of his limp dick and first slices off the tip and shoves it into Clive’s mouth then slices the remaining of it off putting into a Brown paper bag he had in his pocket. Pushes open the Stone Casket where he put Martin and Lies Clive face down on top of the already rotten corpse inside and that of his freshly rotting former friend Martin. The Doctor then pushes the stone slab closed, leaves the cemetery and walks along the river Thames, stopping at one point to wash the blood off of his hands. He arrives home and goes round back to his Uncles Smoker. He takes the penis out of the bag and cuts the remains into four even slices. He takes some of his Uncle’s Jerk Seasoning and seasons each piece that he then hangs in the smoker.


Date: Sept 16th

Place: Nick’s House under the Cherry Blossom Tree with Liza-Beth.

Liza-Beth, I made something for you.

<The Doctor hands Liza-Beth some Jerk Jerky>

Oh Nicky, that’s good. Maybe you should consider taking after your Uncle instead of…

<Before she can finish what she is going to say, Nick looks at her>

It’s just Jerky Liza-Beth. Nothin’ real special about it. He looks away and take’s another bite and says to himself.

“Just some well seasoned “Jerk” Jerky.

Published by mattsnyder1970

Matt Snyder has been making a dent in the creative community in North Eastern Pennsylvania since 1988. He’s been involved in showcasing his art in Exhibits in area Galleries & Spaces as well as online. Mr. Snyder is a real renaissance man. He doesn’t just dabble in the fine arts but has been known to grace the following kinds of things with his presence: Live Sound Mixing, Radio Production, Television Production, Short Films(Acting/Editing/Writing/Directing), Animations, Costume Character Performance, Dance, Music, Djembe Drumming, Theater (Writing/Acting/Directing/Props Management/Stage Management), Self Published Comics & Zines, Written & Slammed Performance Poetry, Sculpting Animal Figurines, Designing Tee Shirts, Photography Film & Digital, Painting (Acrylics), Drawing (Pen & Ink, Pastel, Colored Pencil, Sharpies, Crayons), Mixed Media, Collage, Paper Art, The Brooklyn Art Library & The Sketchbook Project, Blue Turtle ComiX, Just an Average Day Comic, Toxic Shock & Other Abnormalities of the Inner Being Zine as well as the culinary arts. His passion is the arts, his life is as a married humanitarian bisexual politically unaffiliated pacifist working as a Digital Preservation Archivist since 1999. Matt currently resides in an apartment with his equally creative wife of 7 years ,Jess and their cat Nigel.

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