Dear Diary: Dana Here. Nov 1997 after Graduating from AIPH
Yes, my hand is on Kroeger’s knee. But am I attracted to him ? He and I have had fleeting moments of potential intimacy of sorts. My friend has always been a hugger, not an indication of being queer, just incredibly affectionate. He can be quite the lovable guy.
Our friendship has had it’s ups & downs. I’ve known him now 22 years but we have only been friends the last 16 years. We did creative things together in middle school, we spent time trying to sneak peaks of nude college girls when we were in high school. One time we were partners on a project in English Class but I did all the damn work to get us the A. That time he left me at a club for an hour and he drove. I had no way of getting home. Worst of all, when he begged me to smoke pot with him just so he could see how I reacted when i got high (This almost ended our friendship)
In my early 20’s we used to go dancing at area clubs. Including the Stonewall, a local gay bar. I questioned my sexuality in High School but never acted on any urges. Although I did fool around a couple of times with friends when we hit puberty. No one thought of it as being gay just being ridiculously horny and experimental. Although when it came down to giving & receiving. The penis didn’t appeal to me. I think for me when it came to my bisexuality I was always more emotionally invested in friends than I was sexually attracted to them. Kroeger though, wasn’t one of those guys I experimented with.
He was my companion (dare I say Date) to a wedding I went to of the daughter of one of my Mom’s friends. Then there were the multiple times he sniffed my hair because he wanted to know what kind of shampoo I used. I always thought he was just weird never taking anything as making a move on me. Then I started taking an acting class that included improv. Kroeger & I acted as lovers and we kissed. I wasn’t the least bit turned on.
Both living in Philly, I studying animation at AIPH & him studying film at Temple. We did run into each a lot. I acted in a short film for him called How to put on women’s makeup (which is funny, because I am not a woman and had no clue how, but he did and showed me what to do for his film). He told me he was living with two gay guy’s and was stripping as white chocolate in a all male black strip show. How could I not think he was not my quirky queer friend. Till he found religion.
OMG, talk about a major turn off. Anyways he got kicked out of his apartment and one of his roommate’s threw his tv out the 2nd floor window. He’s been telling me about this book I need to read called Conversations with God. I just can’t get into that, not now. It’s just not who I am.
So Anyways, why is my hand on his knee ? I really don’t know. It was impulsive on my part. I just really like the guy.
Till Again, Dana
<Authors Note: Like Me Getting Married at 43, My friend Kroeger eventually got married himself at 49 and had a son with his African American Wife, heavily involved in the Church of the 7th Day Adventist. We have grown apart for sure but he still occupies a fragment of my life today.>