Calm before the storm (Anxiety and Illness in a Global Pandemic)…

As far as I know I don’t have it, of course I was also refused a test that is until…

It may not come across as such in my artwork posted, it may not come across in the multiple comments I’ve given in people’s posts. As it stands right now I am an emotional wreck, this coming off a week of feeling like shit and desperately needing the coddling of my wife for some emotional healing. That for which I cannot have, because she, unlike “us” is awaiting her Covid-19 test results.

But let’s back track this way back. Sometime in late January my co-worker Tom mentions about Wuhan and says “Sure hope this doesn’t turn into a global Pandemic” for which i reply “Yeah it probably won’t, come on Tom be a little optimistic.”

January was the month my 70+ always out sick co-worker Sandy kept coming to work every few days and each new week looked like death warmed over. Sandy had all the underlying conditions (diabetes, obese, heart problems, high blood pressure and severe asthma) Every week she came in looking like hell my anxiety shot up, the day she came in and worked a 10 hour day and nearly fell over when she stood was the last we saw of her. She was supposed to go the hospital to get tested but I think her stubborn nature told her otherwise.

With Sandy not at the job I felt calmer again. Eventually the state of Pennsylvania ordered non essential businesses to close till further notice. Our company felt above that order. It would be one thing if we had clients that were in the health industry but no our clients were Libraries, Museums & Universities.

Tensions slightly rose because two people in digital were out in San Francisco setting up a project at Berkley. Unfortunately that was considered a hot spot, the shipping guy (who is of retirement age and has a complete disregard for his diabetes) took a trip to NYC and D.C. Two other mega Hot Spots. Our largest client fronting most of the $$$$ for the Microfilm department is The Library of Congress.

Eventually the job took a social distancing stance, but also said if anyone was feeling sick they should stay home. Unfortunately people that were ill, even if it was just allergy related continued to work.

Although I will say, for the most part, I was pretty calm. Although the 6 feet apart rule wasn’t being adhered to either. My coworker Amy essentially sat right next to me (coughing into her elbow at least, but she too at one point foolishly stayed over night in the hot spot of D.C. because her daughter goes to college there, then came home the next day. Her kid had a “cold”)

Eventually we closed altogether because we definitely don’t fall under the umbrella term “Life Sustaining” business. And again I was calm, course it helped that the Utah based Mormon owned company I work for had decided to take a million dollar loss to continue to provide us benefits and full pay until things flatten out, they are honestly thinking Mid May. I am honestly thinking there ain’t gonna be a change till we have a vaccine.

I ain’t planning on breaking any social distancing rules till then. Yeah 2020 is gonna surely suck but at least we’ll be saving a significant amount of ca$h.

When Spring started I had a bit of asthma going on, definitely a high pollen count. Then on April Fools day my wife an I decided to take a walk. It was kind of cold at 50 degrees and I probably should’ve wore a long sleeve shirt and warmer hat than what I was wearing (not to mention since the furlough I haven’t been sticking to my hydration pattern) both of these reasons most likely shuttered my immune system. From Tuesday to Thursday I had a never ending headache and it felt like my temperature kept going up and down. I did start drinking a lot of water during the week. By Friday I felt relatively well and did a small grocery run, but my wife the caregiver, developed a cough with chest pain took off and scheduled a covid-19 test for herself Saturday. Her anxiety got the best of her because she didn’t want to take off, she also wasn’t feverish. I applied for testing but was denied because I was told I was too healthy despite really feeling like shit. When Saturday rolled around I went to take a shower, the warm water made me feel faint. I also had a hard time eating let alone making anything to eat. I was drained, but I slept a hell of a lot the last couple of days. My wife insisted she call to schedule a test on my behalf, thanks to her efforts one is scheduled for me tomorrow, the last day at 49 years old.

Feeling sick all week and fearing death (which has always been a major fear of mine) and not being able to hug my wife after that phone call in the middle of writing this post I had an anguished break down. She put on a latex glove and held my hand it something I greatly needed and I love her for that.

If this coming week the blog goes quiet after Thursday it’s because I haven’t had the energy for output. I will be back though, coming back in my 50’s with a vengeance.

God Bless Ya’ll


Published by mattsnyder1970

Matt Snyder has been making a dent in the creative community in North Eastern Pennsylvania since 1988. He’s been involved in showcasing his art in Exhibits in area Galleries & Spaces as well as online. Mr. Snyder is a real renaissance man. He doesn’t just dabble in the fine arts but has been known to grace the following kinds of things with his presence: Live Sound Mixing, Radio Production, Television Production, Short Films(Acting/Editing/Writing/Directing), Animations, Costume Character Performance, Dance, Music, Djembe Drumming, Theater (Writing/Acting/Directing/Props Management/Stage Management), Self Published Comics & Zines, Written & Slammed Performance Poetry, Sculpting Animal Figurines, Designing Tee Shirts, Photography Film & Digital, Painting (Acrylics), Drawing (Pen & Ink, Pastel, Colored Pencil, Sharpies, Crayons), Mixed Media, Collage, Paper Art, The Brooklyn Art Library & The Sketchbook Project, Blue Turtle ComiX, Just an Average Day Comic, Toxic Shock & Other Abnormalities of the Inner Being Zine as well as the culinary arts. His passion is the arts, his life is as a married humanitarian bisexual politically unaffiliated pacifist working as a Digital Preservation Archivist since 1999. Matt currently resides in an apartment with his equally creative wife of 7 years ,Jess and their cat Nigel.

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