Hey Diary: I don’t often write in you in my 20’s but I really feel the need to get this all out. It’s August 11th, 1991. Exactly three years since I met and started dating JoAnn. Below is a photo of us together when I was 18 & she was 16.
I’ve had it. I am miserable. There were so many red flags that I chose to ignore because I just really wanted to have a girlfriend. I dated a few girls prior to JoAnn but I honestly thought this nightmare was love. We met when I took her home from work, she was stranded. She thought I was someone else so she obliged. When I asked if we could start dating she still thought I was this other guy but I insisted I wasn’t. She played me. Constantly. She was fucking mental. And I had the lowest self esteem. I have video footage of us goofing around and she actually says “You disgust me”. I don’t know what I saw in her. But we did fool around and what not and there was this one time when I wasn’t wearing a condom and she missed her period. But, it was just late thankfully. I mean we worked various jobs together, she acted in some of my video productions including baring a breast in my short student film called Soft. She had major issues with people calling her JoAnn and had a severe anxiety attack when my brother’s girlfriend called her by her given name. She has a minor case of CP and walks with a bounce and hates being Puerto Rican. She speaks like she is British even going far as to say that her brother is Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran. Man, then there was that time when we were having a major fight and she was threatening suicide (she did that a lot) and we drove to a park, she threatened to drive us into a brick wall. I jumped out of the car but then she tried to run me down. She gave up and parked near a bridge but then was threatening to jump, I didn’t know what to do so I hit and knocked her out cold, then drove her home and put her to bed and left. There was another time too when she threatened to jump and Jesus I was confronted by the Allentown Vice Squad with guns drawn on me and told to get down, not gonna lie that was terrifying. I told them I was her boyfriend and trying to persuade her to not jump. She ended up being taken to the Psych ward at the local hospital and I had to walk to her house and tell her Mom about the situation. Her Mom didn’t like me or her. God that sucked too. I mean we did do some things together that didn’t always suck. But she was always either berating me or threatening suicide. And yet I stayed. We were even thinking of getting an apartment together, I was storing all of her stuff at my parents house. Well, I told her to get her shit when I found out she was sleeping with this dude she works with at the bagel shop. I mean really, the fuck is wrong with you ? I just got back from making the split official, she was babysitting some kids and I walked up to her..said “Hey Happy Fucking Anniversary Bitch, we’re through” Then I left and never looked back. It’s hard, I’m numb. I’m not happy but I am. Good Riddance.