What if ? (Thankful)…

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unanswered questions that had they had a different outcome today might not be where I am supposed to be..this is a look into anxiety

FIRST AND FOREMOST THOUGHT: I AM THANKFUL FOR THE PATH MY LIFE HAS TAKEN TO LEAD ME TO THIS DESTINATION, WHICH IS FULL OF INDESCRIBABLE JOY, DESPITE THE MANY DIPS INTO THE WADING POOL OF DEPRESSION…

  1. What if Mom had married the Chinese Doctor instead ?
  2. What if I had reached out earlier to my parents that something may have been off key upstairs in my head ?
  3. What if I had been a better student in Middle & High school ?
  4. What if I decided to take a hit on that bong at that one party in High School ?
  5. What if I was into sports like my Dad and had a closer relationship with him ?
  6. What if I never had a problem with my weight ?
  7. What if Dad had divorced Mom after catching her in her same sex affair ?
  8. What if JoAnn was actually pregnant with my child, would we have married young ?
  9. What if I didn’t have self control in regards to my anger ?
  10. What if I would’ve gotten into a four year school ?
  11. What if I would’ve taken that flight to Chicago for the 2nd test to become an Assistant Director for the Assistant Directors Training Program ?
  12. What if I had stayed at any of the myriad of jobs I had in my late teens to mid twenties ?
  13. What if I would’ve become Kroeger’s flat mate back in 1992 ?
  14.  What if religion played a bigger role in my life ?
  15. What if I took the job at Borders Books instead of OCLC  back in 1999 ?
  16. What if Mom had survived the Cancer ?
  17.  What if my Gram was right and I ended up like my Uncle Joe, a caregiver to my Mom until she passed ?
  18. What if I had left Pennsylvania for good ?
  19. What if I had pursued a relationship with a man ?
  20. Why ask what if ?

Your path in life isn’t how you always set out on it. Sometimes there are little shortcuts you take, sometimes you get lost, sometimes you fall down.

Honestly, I’m thankful for the path’s I’ve chosen to make my life to get to this point. My wife is my life. It honestly feels like she has been a part of it even though we’ve only been a couple since October 2nd, 2010 & married since May 4th, 2013. I honestly can’t remember what it is like to be single and struggling. And feeling far worse than I ever have before these last nine years.

Also incredibly grateful for the friendships I’ve made with fellow writers in the WordPress Community both in the States & Abroad. Some much tighter than others but also a bit of a Godsend. Bless you all.

Published by mattsnyder1970

Matt Snyder has been making a dent in the creative community in North Eastern Pennsylvania since 1988. He’s been involved in showcasing his art in Exhibits in area Galleries & Spaces as well as online. Mr. Snyder is a real renaissance man. He doesn’t just dabble in the fine arts but has been known to grace the following kinds of things with his presence: Live Sound Mixing, Radio Production, Television Production, Short Films(Acting/Editing/Writing/Directing), Animations, Costume Character Performance, Dance, Music, Djembe Drumming, Theater (Writing/Acting/Directing/Props Management/Stage Management), Self Published Comics & Zines, Written & Slammed Performance Poetry, Sculpting Animal Figurines, Designing Tee Shirts, Photography Film & Digital, Painting (Acrylics), Drawing (Pen & Ink, Pastel, Colored Pencil, Sharpies, Crayons), Mixed Media, Collage, Paper Art, The Brooklyn Art Library & The Sketchbook Project, Blue Turtle ComiX, Just an Average Day Comic, Toxic Shock & Other Abnormalities of the Inner Being Zine as well as the culinary arts. His passion is the arts, his life is as a married humanitarian bisexual politically unaffiliated pacifist working as a Digital Preservation Archivist since 1999. Matt currently resides in an apartment with his equally creative wife of 7 years ,Jess and their cat Nigel.

3 thoughts on “What if ? (Thankful)…

  1. a thought provoking post. there are so many twists and turns in our journeys, i could have bettered myself in so many ways, but right now I am the happiest and most content I have ever been. Maybe each step I took (and in some cases had to take) where all leading me to where I am now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s how I am looking at it now. As I age dreary has become cheery an example being as we drove to her Aunts Jess said its dark and cloudy and I said its beautiful. that dark cloud is gods creation and ain’t gonna spoil my day. And it didn’t. Truth being happier perspectives make for a happier day.

      Like

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