A conflicting indifference…

imagesHow do I handle this lopsided grief, GOD ? How do I stare down death with a perpetual smile?  When the number one reason for my shitty thought process is this shell of a man before me. The only people that know the truth are the seldom few I’ve chosen to disclose. I’m wrestling with the idea of giving thanks to a man who lacked maturity and spent a lifetime giving me “the business”, that as a man “I’m stereotypically inclined to accept, to man up, to let my skin grow thick.” Not the emotional wimp that I am, the drama queen to some including my replacement Mom he married a year after my actual Mom died. How do I share the memory of a man, the history I’d rather forget. It’s not all shit, God.  I do have fleeting moments that race through my mind of the Good Times. I need to refocus and let those positive moments dig deep and nestle in my heart. I hated you with a passion God when you took my Mom too soon, my Mom, My saviour, My number one fan. And now Dad is sick, his body ravished and very close to knocking on heaven’s door, and I have not a single ounce of hate. Only conflicting indifference…

Published by mattsnyder1970

Matt Snyder has been making a dent in the creative community in North Eastern Pennsylvania since 1988. He’s been involved in showcasing his art in Exhibits in area Galleries & Spaces as well as online. Mr. Snyder is a real renaissance man. He doesn’t just dabble in the fine arts but has been known to grace the following kinds of things with his presence: Live Sound Mixing, Radio Production, Television Production, Short Films(Acting/Editing/Writing/Directing), Animations, Costume Character Performance, Dance, Music, Djembe Drumming, Theater (Writing/Acting/Directing/Props Management/Stage Management), Self Published Comics & Zines, Written & Slammed Performance Poetry, Sculpting Animal Figurines, Designing Tee Shirts, Photography Film & Digital, Painting (Acrylics), Drawing (Pen & Ink, Pastel, Colored Pencil, Sharpies, Crayons), Mixed Media, Collage, Paper Art, The Brooklyn Art Library & The Sketchbook Project, Blue Turtle ComiX, Just an Average Day Comic, Toxic Shock & Other Abnormalities of the Inner Being Zine as well as the culinary arts. His passion is the arts, his life is as a married humanitarian bisexual politically unaffiliated pacifist working as a Digital Preservation Archivist since 1999. Matt currently resides in an apartment with his equally creative wife of 7 years ,Jess and their cat Nigel.

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