I’ve always had problems with my weight. I’ve never been truly fit. When I was a toddler to age 5, I was thin. Then I started to get fat in 1st & 2nd Grade, but became active in 3rd-6th grade and lost some weight. By 7th Grade I was chunky, the following year I was thinner. We also ate a lot of fried foods at home & fast food out growing up. It wasn’t the healthiest of upbringings. There was also candy, cupcakes, ice cream, mixed nuts, potato chips, pretzels, soda, cheese, pork roll, kielbasa & salami within short reach on the daily.
By the time I hit High School I was varying degrees of chunky and probably looked my best by the time I graduated in 1988. I was overweight at 18, 5’7.5 170 lbs, but I carried it well. August of 1988-August 1991, I dated a Psycho who relentlessly emotionally abused me and even once tried to kill me, during this time I ballooned up to 212 lbs. The depression (although not diagnosed) was beginning to settle in.
By 1995 I had decided to study Animation at the Art Institute of Philadelphia. The stress of my studies, roommates I didn’t get along with, living away from home for the first time (although I was home every weekend when I could) caused me to develop some pretty horrible eating habits. Aside from college living I pretty much lived off microwaved meals & pizza and if the stress got really bad I would sneak eat my roommates food & now and again a 1/2 dozen donuts.
By the time I graduated in 1997, I had gone from 250 lbs to 280 lbs, barely able to fit in the desk chairs. It was horribly embarrassing to say the least. Although I will say that I was actively walking/jogging and lifting weights in my 20’s. Not every day and unfortunately what I ate just packed on the pounds. I became an emotional eater in my 20’s. My 30’s would be my worst decade.
In 1998 I attempted a move to Astoria Queens New York to live with a friend and try to start a career in the arts. The claustrophobia of the tiny basement apartment and no bites on my resume coupled with trying to get temp work but being told I wasn’t a fortune 500 type killed my self esteem. I lasted 5 measly days and found myself back with my parents.
By 1999 I managed to land a job with a place originally called Preservation Resources a division of OCLC. I was working 2nd shift as a digital imaging technician. That shift coupled with terrible management tore me down, I was now in the 300’s in regards tot my weight.
In 2001 My Mom got cancer. By February of 2002 she was gone.
The despair of that loss was so horrendous I eventually ate my way up to 375 lbs (the worst of the worst was a meal that once consisted of an entire box of Kraft Mac & Cheese with a large double cheese & pepperoni pizza with bread sticks) and found myself taking Starlix (A pre-diabetes drug to stabilize my sugar intake) but managed to get off it by my late 30’s.
I eventually sought therapy and started working out at a gym, but it was a constant yo-yo. I did eventually manage to lose 50 lbs and then plateau out at 330 lbs. But I have been able to lose as the pictures below depict, they are varying degrees of fat (sigh and hair, I miss my long hair)
By the time I hit my 40’s I met the love of my life and we married in 2013. We are both not without our struggles. There is a 12 year age gap but I am more than determined to conquer my 30 year battle of the BULGE. She managed to slim down for the wedding but she also deals on the daily with bi-polar disorder, was laid off and found a new job she loves but it still puts quite a strain on her. I on the other hand went from 19 years in digital imaging to a step back into the microfilm department strictly as a QA technician. I did the move because I truly hated digital and thought the change would do me good. But I discovered that some things NEVER change and that wasn’t the solution to my problem. I’ve also lately been dealing with inflammation issues on both my knee and bicep tendons and arthritis in my joints.
But we are trying our damndest to cook & eat healthier and staying away from anything processed, keeping our eating out to a bare minimum and really making an exercise effort. I watched a 2009 Documentary about an Underwear model/gym trainer that put on an unhealthy amount of weight to see first hand what it’s like to live in an obese person’s life, I mean he managed to get fit again but the lethargy, the way he spoke, the depression he experienced and the food addiction. It was a serious reflection on what I have been doing to myself. I hauled my fat/muscle toned ass to the gym today and did an 80 minute work out. I even climbed the 3 flights of steps to get to the gym because I was tired of the excuse that I’d take the stairs once I lost weight. I then changed up my workout by doing 15 min of high intensity cardio followed by weights and another 15 min of high intensity cardio finishing with more weights. It was the most I’ve ever sweated after a workout.
Everyone that has followed my blog from the beginning has seen my struggles first hand. The Mood Swings, throwing in the towel. But I will get there, I know I will.
I have done it, I can do it.
This is 3 angles of me on June 30th, 2019.