A found poem written for my wife who is currently on a bit of a downward spiral, I hope and pray that she doesn’t find herself hospitalized again. Marriage can be challenging, marriage to a very unstable person is even more so. And yet here we are, about to celebrate 10 years married. I pray that there is more than 10 more. I wish she was able to find balance in her head, I deal with my own demons and yet God gives me the grace to lay them aside to be her rock.
When Mom found out she had Cancer, she wailed "Why me ?"
You had no answers to give, although you lessened her pain
by subduing her brain yet she suffered for a bit
When Dad couldn't fight off infection
He gave up
You took him quicker than Mom
Why didn't Mike or Kyle or Joy live to see 21
Why didn't Glenn or Todd or Jose or Kelly live to see 40
Why are some people mauled or shot or burned or chopped ?
amusement/water park rides
Why can't we all just die peacefully ?
Why can't we all be survivors ?
I fear the unknown
I fear no longer existing
As a human being
you use emotions
you figure things out
you stay behind and haunt ?
Or become someone's guardian angel ?
I believe in God and an afterlife
but isn't both heaven & hell a bit overcrowded ?
Or because there is no vessel for the spirit
the energy just exists
or does it ?
I have pondered both death and the thought of no longer existing
Will I be reunited with family in the afterlife
or stay with my wife
just writing these words
brings about a terrifying feeling
questions my therapist suggests should remain as such
I shouldn't dwell on the past
nor should I fear the future
I should live, in the here and now
if I ever had a life goal
it is that
for the life I continue to grow in
and find my purpose